Hi everyone. I randomly maybe decided to come back. The main reason I took a break is because of the fakeness I was feeling coming from this blog. It has been over a year now that I drafted this piece but it truly shares my raw emotions and thoughts I was going through at the time. So I don’t know. Enjoy if you’d like. I’ve debated posting this over a year now so why not full send it.

December 12, 2024,

Hello anyone anywhere who is reading this. i just wanted to take a moment, open up, and be honest. I was sitting here at a desk writing about how “exercise calms the mind;” which will be posted in the near future, and I just cracked. I couldn’t bring myself to do the research, I couldn’t bring myself to be calm in my own way, so how could I write about it? Then I reflected. I reflected on this educated persona that I am putting out there or trying to prove. I started this blog, not for fun, but because I felt like my ex didn’t find me interesting. So I used this as a way to seem interesting, give myself a “thing” to talk about. I thought I could tell tales on the human body, outer space, history, and more. I just wanted to be interesting, But that isn’t real. But if there is a good thing from my last relationship its that I got to make this website, and if I am going to write it’s going to be from me.

The Happenings

For those who don’t know me personally, I have just moved to Philadelphia, mostly for cheaper rent, but also new job opportunities and for my bestie. It has only been a month but it hasn’t been easy. I am having a difficult time with the job search and making new connections. I did pick up a job but it doesn’t pay great and I am getting nervous with the bills I need to pay as well as, more recently, my parking ticket violations. (Somebody get this girl a permit).

That all being said, I did just drop a hefty amount on a tattoo. At least my priorities are in order! It’s a wonderful piece though. My childhood friend is an artist and she took the time to design it for me. She can’t get tattoos herself because of her health so I decided I’d get one for her. She is truly one of the most beautiful people I have ever known.

I do just want to take a moment to say how thankful I am for the people in my life. I have taken some time to realize that I am a little bit lost on the journey to my self discovery and independence but man o’ man do I have the most incredible support system.

But let’s get really real. I am working, my hours just got cut, and so I am starting to freak out a little bit. I also have a degree that I am not using. I am feeling so lost in terms of my personal goals and purpose. I want to write, I love writing, I love talking to people and building connections, but it is so difficult and has led me to this post.

I finally cracked and realized that if I am going to make it in life the way that i want to I am going to have to put myself out there. Let there be judgement and let there be hate. I am tired of hiding in the showdow and waiting for something to just work out. No! I have to make the system work for me.

So I am thinking I have more real updates like this. About real not exciting life.

Peace and Love! ❤

Update: since this was written I have since moved back to NJ and live with my amazing boyfriend. Everything is great@ I live with the love of my life and I’m close to family and friends. However, I am still going through the identities crisis where I don’t know what I am doing… ever. The job search is still terrible. While I lived in Philly I went to bartending school because you know… money. Which did get me a better job. But since the move I have filled an application out at almost every restaurant in the cold and haven’t heard back from even ONE.

As I like to say. So it goes. Just trying to be real.